


A Cake in the Hand is worth Two in the Fridge

by hexagonad (ideserveyou)



Category: The Mighty Boosh (TV)
Genre: Birthday, Birthday Cake, Fluff, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-26
Updated: 2014-07-26
Packaged: 2018-02-10 13:46:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,925
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2027304
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ideserveyou/pseuds/hexagonad
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Vince isn't too happy about yet another birthday coming up. Howard's plan to cheer him up doesn't work out quite as expected.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Cake in the Hand is worth Two in the Fridge

‘So...’ Howard asks, adding sugar to Vince’s breakfast tea, ‘what do you want to do for your birthday this year, Vince? Seeing as you’ll be turning...’

Vince looks warningly at Howard.

Howard looks warningly at the fourth wall.

‘Thirty-two tomorrow,’ Vince and Howard say in unison.

‘You want another party?’ Howard brings both mugs to the table and sits down to butter some toast.

Vince sighs. ‘I dunno, Howard, I’m... I’m not really feeling it this year.’

‘You do seem a bit down.’ Howard peers across the table; Vince hastily picks up his mug and ducks behind the rim, to avoid the scrutiny in Howard’s small brown eyes. 

And to avoid having to look at Howard’s crows’ feet. There are definitely more of them than there used to be... and he’s almost certain he caught the glint of a grey hair among Howard’s smokey brown locks the other day...

‘Maybe you should get out your mirrorball suit, yeah? That usually cheers you up.’

Vince shakes his head. He’d already thought of that. In fact, he put the suit on this morning after getting out of the shower, only to find that it didn’t make him feel more cheerful at all. It seemed... well, tighter somehow. And it didn’t sparkle as brightly as he remembered. He’d peeled it off and put it back in the wardrobe, deliberately not looking in the mirror in case he found he’d suddenly got crows’ feet like Howard’s, too.

And what if there was to be a grey hair? Vince shudders, and sips at his sweet tea.

‘Perhaps a more low-key celebration, then? Tea and cake, something like that?’

‘Maybe.’ Vince drains his mug. ‘Yeah, OK, tea and cake’ll be fine.’ He shakes his head at the plate of buttered toast Howard is offering him, and pushes back his chair.

‘You off out?’ Howard asks.

Vince checks his watch. Then remembers that he doesn’t wear a watch, and looks at the monkey clock on the kitchen wall instead. ‘Yeah. Said I’d meet Leroy for a coffee, it’s been ages since we had a proper catch-up. Coffee, hang out, read the Sunday papers... I’ll prob’ly stay for lunch.’

‘Have a good time.’ Howard bites unconcernedly into another slice of toast. ‘Stay for tea as well if you want, I know what you two are like when you start chatting.’

‘You don’t mind?’

‘Why on earth should I mind? It’s your weekend, you can do what you like with it. I’ll see you later.’

Vince pauses in the doorway, twirling a lock of his hair between his fingers. ‘You... could come too, if you want?’

‘No, Vince, two’s company, three’s a crowd. And Leroy’s never been that pleased to see me, not since the trouser incident back at the zoo... No, you go on, I’ve got things to do. You know me, I’m Howard Moon, man of action, I have a finger in many pies. I don’t have time to sit around and read the Sunday papers, no sir.’

‘Whatever,’ Vince mumbles, and turns away.

He hopes Leroy hasn’t started turning grey since he last saw him.

 

********************

 

That evening, a smugly cheerful Howard is sitting on the sofa with Naboo and Bollo, half-watching a nature documentary about baboons and getting slightly nostalgic for the zoo times.

Behind him, the spotless kitchen is giving nothing away; the fridge is humming innocently, as though its middle shelf really was empty and not just magicked to appear that way.

It was worth doing all that extra cleaning to persuade Naboo to cast the spell. Just in case Vince should happen to go in there for the milk or something, and spoil the surprise.

Howard smiles. He’s really excelled himself this time. Party or no party, tomorrow is going to be a special day, one that’ll put the smile back on Vince’s face and the lustre back in his hair, he just won’t be able to resist...

The door opens, and a grinning Vince strides in, with a big cardboard box in his arms.

‘Hey, Howard, I’ve had a brilliant day, it was a great idea goin’ to see Leroy, an’ you’ll never guess what the soft idiot had done.’

‘What had he done?’

‘Only gone an’ made me this, look. He’d somehow twigged that I wasn’t too happy about yet another birthday so soon after the last one an’ he figured a good way to cheer me up would be...’

‘To make you a cake.’ Howard’s insides twist with all kinds of emotions, Yorkshire Rage and West Midlands Envy among them, with a good measure of Swiss Respect for Superior Craftsmanship too as he looks into the box.

‘Yeah, isn’t it genius?’ Vince is practically bouncing with excitement. ‘Look at it, it’s the Moon with his chalky white face, an’ the cake itself is a rainbow cake, you get stripes of different colours when you cut it, I can’t wait.’

‘It’s... very nice.’ Howard takes the box and puts it on the kitchen table.

‘Shouldn’t it go in the fridge?’ Vince asks.

Behind him, Naboo is suddenly taken by a tremendous fit of coughing and Bollo is making a great play of patting him on the back and telling him not to overdo it on the weed.

‘No, ‘s’alright Bollo, fink I must’ve inhaled a c-cake crumb...’ Naboo wheezes.

‘Oh, cake crumb, right boss.’ Bollo nods sagely.

Howard glares at the pair of them and says firmly, ‘It’ll be fine on the table overnight. It’s not exactly hot in here.’

Vince frowns. ‘But what if those two get the munchies in the night?’

‘Alright, look, I’ll put it in the cupboard. Then they won’t see it, they’ll just eat the biscuits out of the tin on the side, like they always do.’ Howard picks up the box again. It feels heavy in his grasp. How satisfying it would be, to crush it in both hands, or feign clumsiness and drop it on the floor, watch it splatter... He pushes it onto the top shelf of the wall cupboard, and hastily shuts the door. ‘You want a cuppa?’

‘No thanks, I think I’ll turn in.’

‘Big day tomorrow.’ Howard’s voice sounds falsely enthusiastic to his own ears.

‘Yeah.’ Vince, on the other hand, sounds genuinely enthusiastic. ‘I’m really lookin’ forward to it now. Night, Howard.’

‘Goodnight, little man.’ Howard sighs, and heads back towards the sofa.

Vince puts a hand on his arm. ‘Something wrong?’

‘No, why should there be?’

‘No reason, you just sounded a bit...’ Vince’s blue eyes are troubled.

‘I’m fine.’

Vince glances downwards, at his own hand on Howard’s sleeve.

‘Don’t touch me,’ Howard says, and Vince’s brow clears.

‘Had me worried there for a minute,’ Vince teases.

Howard pulls a face at him. ‘Go to bed.’

 

********************

 

A sudden noise wakes Vince from a dream about trying to stick glitter onto corduroy trousers while a troop of baboons are eating cake and laughing at him. 

He stares at the sliver of moonlight coming through his curtains, and wonders what the noise was. 

His tummy rumbles again.

Leroy didn’t actually have any actual food in his flat, apart from the cake and a few sweets, and these days sweets don’t fill Vince up like they used to. Maybe you need more food as you get older. Or maybe he’s just got used to all the healthy stuff Howard feeds him.

Either way, a trip to the kitchen is called for.

He’s surprised to find the kitchen light on and Howard standing in front of the fridge, mumbling what sounds like one of Naboo’s spells.

‘Hey Howard.’

Howard jumps about a foot in the air, and hastily shuts the fridge door. ‘Vince, what are you doing here?’

‘I just came to get some food out of the fridge. Were you hungry too?’

‘Not exactly.’ Howard shuffles his feet and looks at the floor. ‘What did you want out of the fridge, little man? There isn’t much in there.’

‘Not sure exactly, but I’ll know when I see it.’

‘How about biscuits?’ Howard stands his ground as Vince comes closer. ‘In the tin – over there.’

‘How about you just let me in the fridge, Howard? What’s goin’ on?’

Howard takes a deep breath, and puts a hand on Vince’s shoulder. ‘Look, it is your birthday after all. Go and sit down at the table and I’ll fix you something.’ His eyes are very bright and a tiny bit red (in amongst all the crows’ feet). ‘I’ll make you a milkshake. Or maybe a cheese sandwich...’

Vince ducks under Howard’s arm and yanks the fridge door open.

‘What’s this on this plate?’

‘Nothing.’ Howard’s voice is tight. ‘I was just about to throw it away anyway.’

‘Don’t be ridiculous, this looks like just what I wanted.’ Vince takes the plate out of the fridge and puts it on the table. ‘Chocolate cake. Brilliant, now I don’t have to start on the birthday one yet. It’s not magicked or anything, is it?’

‘No,’ Howard says heavily, ‘no, it’s not magic, Vince. Just eggs and flour and sugar...’

‘And Nutella.’ Vince licks at a chocolate-smeared finger. ‘Genius. Did you make this?... OH.’

Howard’s shoulders slump. ‘Yes, I made it. Took me all afternoon. It was going to be a birthday surprise...’

‘It is one.’ Vince checks the clock on the wall. ‘It is my birthday now. An’ I’m well surprised. Never seen you make anythin’ bigger than a cupcake before. Why were you going to chuck it?’

‘You’d got another one.’ Howard’s face is buried in his hands.

‘Yeah, but two cakes is always better than one... Howard?’

No answer.

‘Howard, Howard... Howard! C’m’on, tell me what’s goin’ on here. Why all the fuss about a cake? Howard?’

The big man sighs defeatedly. ‘I wanted...’

‘You wanted to be the one who cheered me up.’

Howard gives the faintest of nods. ‘Silly, I know, but...’

‘But you are. You always are. An’ you have.’ Vince takes Howard’s hands in his own, and smiles into Howard’s pink and puffy face. ‘Come on, let’s dig in, I’m ravenous and that cake smells fantastic.’ He skips around the kitchen, fetching plates and forks and a cake slice. ‘I’ll put the kettle on, make us a brew. Oh, hi Naboo.’

‘What the fuck are you ballbags playin’ at? It’s one in the morning... Oh, I see. Couldn’t wait. Well, if that’s a birfday cake you’re gonna need candles.’

The tiny shaman clicks his fingers and twenty-one candles appear on the top of the cake, already lit.

‘Go on, blow ‘em out and make a wish or whatever stupid shit you humans do on your birthdays. I’ll go an’ get Bollo. We’ll need a couple more plates, Howard. An’ put three sugars in my tea.’ He sweeps out of the kitchen before anybody can thank him.

Vince catches Howard’s eye and suddenly the pair of them are giggling uncontrollably, giggling like the old times, like the double-act they were, like the friends they still are.

‘Help me,’ Vince gasps, gesturing at the cake, ‘I can’t do all those on my own, not like this.’ He clutches at his aching midriff.

‘Alright.’ Howard puts an arm round Vince’s shoulders and together they lean down towards the candles. ‘One, two, three...’

The little flames vanish in a puff of smoke. Vince puts both arms round Howard and hangs on tight.

‘No need to ask what either of you wished for, then.’

Vince and Howard spring guiltily apart.

Naboo just grins, and reaches for the cake slice.


End file.
